Words of change (Part 2) – You weren’t a woman enough for me


I met her one fine summer day, the sky was free of clouds and the sun was shining in all its glory. College had just started and she came into my life as a warm summer breeze. The moment our eyes met, I was in love. After a whirlwind romance, we decided to get married. I was the luckiest person in the world to marry such a beauty. I was so in love and I was so happy when we wed. It was the best day of my life. It was the beginning of my very own happy ending.
Months went by blissfully, I was in heaven. A beautiful dream I didn’t want to wake up from. Looking back I cherished that time dearly than my own life. Alas, it was soon time for me to wake up from my daydreams and face reality. It started slowly and I almost missed the signs,she had a fiery personality and I loved her for it, but suddenly she started becoming angry more and more with alarming frequency, the anger started turning towards me and I didn’t know what to do, I just bared it all, the fights became uglier & uglier and more unreasonable than ever, still I couldn’t see her hurting so I bared it all.Then came the taunts and snide remarks. She did not deem me worthy enough to take with her for outings with family and friends. Even if I did go with her, she would humiliate me in front of others, degrade me, I was deeply hurt by her behaviour but I loved her so much that I forgave her. Every opportunity she got she used it viciously against me, when I suggested she get some help she hit me, repeatedly. Each of her hit sent a stab to my heart . I loved her, I truly did, I took each hit, thinking I deserved it, thinking I was the cause of her unhappiness. After all her happiness was everything to me.
Then it became much worse for me, day by day I was reminded how pathetic I was, each day was a series of abuses and hits, by nightfall I was expected to perform in the bedroom. If I didn’t, she would sneer and say I wasn’t man enough for her. And I took it, silently and did what she told me to do , because I couldn’t loose her , couldn’t loose my happy ending , thinking that maybe I deserved it. Maybe I was all that she made me to be. Because she was my everything I did each and every demeaning task she set out for me, as failure led to more beatings and ridicule.
I became depressed, I couldn’t continue with my job, my mind was in a mental turmoil and my body exhausted. They fired me. When she got wind of this, she was furious, I got the worst beating of my life and then she fucked me like I was a slave and reminded me that I was her bitch again and again. After her lust was sated she turned to me and said, “Baby you know what? “She said almost lovingly . I looked up at her with tear streaked face, my voice shook; she never spoke to me like that anymore
She smiled that smile I loved so much, my traitor heart skipped a beat.
“You don’t do it for me anymore, I am leaving you.”
That was five months ago. At that time, earth opened and swallowed me as a whole. I begged her to take me back but as usual I wasn’t man enough for her. I learned that she was seeing someone else. She had betrayed me, cheated on me and my stupid stupid heart had still loved her. Then she had promptly left me less of a man, more of a broken husk.
It was difficult. It was painful, but when the fog of love was lifted from my eyes I woke up with a jolt to my soul. What I thought was love; was me being coward; me being afraid to take charge of my life; me giving importance to the person who had hurt me the worst possible way. I was used in the most perverse manner. I was abused, I was violated and I let the person who did it get away. I realised there was never any kind of relation between us besides that of a master and a besotted slave. I was ashamed of myself. I was the victim of domestic violence.

My case is still pending in court, friends ridicule me , the whole society laughs at me . The man who was whipped by his wife. But now I have regained my courage, I will fight against the injustice done to me , I will stop at nothing to get her to pay for what she did to me . I am no more a fool in love . All of this has made me realise that there are no happy endings, love is not a fairytale, there is one and only one end and you should write it on your own terms. You are the master of your own destiny.







4 thoughts on “Words of change (Part 2) – You weren’t a woman enough for me

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