Sexy

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”It’s over”, you say it so casually. I don’t know how to respond back to you. I instantly lean back on my elbow, my chest still pounding from the orgasmic bliss you left me with. I urge you to silently look into my eyes and give me an explanation. You turn on the rickety bed, the curve of your back exposed, prop your elbow, one hand precariously holding onto the cigarette that you so crave after we fuck. You take a long drag, god you are so fucking sexy when you do that and stare at me with hooded eyes, your eyes dart towards my lips and I wet them unconsciously. I wonder if you would kiss me now, kiss me like you do sometimes, as if I mean something to you. Instead you raise your delicate hand and grip my chin, trace my face with your soft fingertips and caress my hair. I would be a fool to believe that there was something more to your touches, something which I have been feeling for a long time. You suddenly get up, the rough cotton sheets pooling at your feet. You are naked underneath, naked and glorious and I dare hope all mine now. “Its over between me and him,” you say again. Finally, finally you said what I was hoping you would one day. What I had dreamed for so long. You lean on the windowsill, the early morning sunlight painting your sculpted curves a shade far lovelier than any creature I have gazed upon. Looking at you, my heart always swells with something, something suspiciously like love. I knew it was futile to hope, but I ardently wished that you had left him for me. Gods above, all those mixed signals you were giving me had to mean something, didn’t they? I take a deep steadying breath and get out of the bed and touch your shoulder gently, tugging your body towards mine. I crush my lips to yours; my taste still lingering on the tip of your tongue. I let go of you only to hold your waist as gently as I could. Your gaze is sharp, primal and I wouldn’t lie but it turned me on. It was now or never. “So it means, ‘we’…?”
You cut me off with a frown pulling down your bow shaped lips. “No”. You say so resolutely. I am taken aback as if you had slapped me. “What? Why?” I whisper. You look at me as if I was a fool for asking you such a stupid question. “Why?!”, you enunciate slowly as if talking to a child. “What we have,” you gesture between us, “it’s just fucking, sorry I don’t do love honey. “I instantly back off, of course, it wasn’t love, of course you couldn’t love me. I was a warm and willing body for you, a body you could do anything with, and my heart, you took it and crushed it. I stumble back towards the bed, reeling back from my reality. I sit on it, unseeing. You approach me cautiously, as if I would break if you breathed so much as near me, “Please don’t tell me you have feelings for me.” You ask sharply. “You knew what this was”, I could only look back at you mutely. Of course It was going to happen one day, you were going to leave me just as you left him. Stupid, stupid, I was; a goddamn fool. I can see you moving quickly about the motel room, picking up your clothes and shoes. “Listen, it’s best that we don’t see each other for a while”, you say quietly and I couldn’t agree more. “If you change your mind, you know how to find me.” And just like that you leave, slamming the door on your way. No goodbye, no promises, I was left all alone, used up, looking at the cheaply painted door and cursing myself. It doesn’t end well, love doesn’t.

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WingsofDelight ©

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Monster

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Your imprint is seared inside me, burning and fraying my fragile nerve endings, it’s as if you have never left, your rotten essence still lingers in the shards of my brokenness. Your foul stench clinges to my heart, it’s as if you still suck out and feed on my powerless being, it’s as if you still inhale the same stale air as I. You rip me apart, and you relish in my muffled screams, you want me to remember the pain, you want me to remember the taste of your name on my lips. You devour the way I whisper for you to ‘Please stop’, it spurs you on, my suffering always turned you on. Your monster still haunts the graveyard where my soul has long since retreated to seek respite. Your presence reeks of greed, you are dauntless in your pursuit, your grabby hands still wrap around my neck, squeezing and taking the light away from my eyes, just as cruelly as I know you enjoyed. You never knew how to touch gently, the wreaths of blooming bruises don’t tell quite the story, covered up as they are, just like your debauchery. You are sheathed within me, that dirty little part of me that still doesn’t know how to speak about you, about an ‘us’ which was all you and your morbid lust. This part of me doesn’t quite know how to even begin to recount your horror, the part that still feels that rough tugging in my scalp, phantom pain of a rough hand gripping my then long hair and twisting it, reaching down towards my soul and twisting it, changing me and tainting me.

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You are the one thing I am ashamed of, your power over me doesn’t fade away, even when I scratch and tear at myself. You have settled beneath my skin, the fetid rot of your being dwelling in those shallow and deep cuts you made to mark me as yours. I was yours to be painted in blood, bathe in the curses you said I deserved. I was your lover, I was also your bitch, a glorified slave chained to your whims. I still feel the drying seed of your misdeeds on my scarred thighs, my body was for your pleasure and now the pain I feel in my core, is all mine. I am repulsed by the way you have left me, your absence doesn’t bring me any comfort, my skin still tastes like your sins, my eyes still shed bitter tears for all those unspeakable things you did to me. I can still taste you, can still taste your evil on the tip of my tongue, still feel the raised surfaces of the criss crossed scars forming a grotesque labyrinth carved on my body. You are there, buried deep inside of me, ravaging me from within. You are a disease, a plague, you leave me with festering pain, blistering like your unworthy touch. I try to wash away those ghostly fingertips that no longer pry me open, but somehow they still grip my flesh, tearing into it, feasting on my helpless pleas. I hate the way you have won, I hate the way my body had surrendered to yours. You plundered and took never giving me anything but intense hurt in return. You have left me alone, but it’s as if you have never ever gone away. You still move within me, lurking, waiting for my vulnerability to show through for you to prey upon. You will be here, forever a part of me, a part I loathe with all the viciousness my being can muster. But what kills me the most, what cuts me deeper than all those wounds you left me with, is that you will be here, the slippery and harsh voice in my ear, the cruel hold on my battered self, you will be here, when all those parts of me, those untouched by your filth, those that I hope to salvage, are gone.

-WingsofDelight ©

The Stranger with a Cigar

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“Do you smoke?” A faint whisper reached my ears. I ungazed from the engaging thoughts I was immersed in and looked to my left. Next to me sat a man who looked to be middle aged. There were dark circles below his eyes with a spark over his sharp nose which hinted at the loss of sleep he may have faced of late. He looked like he was trying to study me, a slight smirk curling his handsome face. I tried to come out of my observing trance; forcing myself out of it to prevent any further embarrassment. The man besides me had quite a striking visage, his penetrating eyes giving me the kind of thrill I hadn’t experienced since a while in this new town.

 

“Occasionally,” I said,  “But I don’t carry Cigars to dinner.”

 

“Ah. Just say the word Darling; I carry my cigar collection with me on travel, to share with interesting and beautiful young ladies I meet on my many voyages.” He smiled. Golly, that made me blush to the tips of my toes.

 

“Which one would you like?” He took out a small case containing roughly about 8 Cigars. The bronze colour of the case gave it an antique appearance. By taking a while, I faked a little choice. Finally I picked up the best looking one and smiled at him. “Lovely. Capafina, my personal favourite.”

 

The raucous bar slowly faded out of focus and staring into his charcoal grey eyes, I got wrapped up in his enchanting voice. I didn’t realise how time passed until the sulky bartender interrupted our conversation and told us it was time for him to wind up.

” It seems, the cold night is calling out for me to love her yet again.” He said, “See you around love.” Before I could bid this alluring stranger goodbye he left through the doors, and I headed back to my room upstairs.

 

Maybe the cold night could take a break from loving him tonight; maybe I could love him today. I thought to myself. Never had I felt so enamoured by any man before. He made me feel like a woman without even touching me. How could I just let this mesmerising gentleman go away? Lust made me leave my room and walk towards the way he went. He must have not gone far away, I placated my wildly thudding heart. The quiet night in this town that usually scared me had me lusting after it tonight. I quickened my footsteps and soon spotted a man entering the Delta inn across the street I was walking on. He wore the same luxury brown jacket my stranger had  worn, and was about the same height, I reckoned, I reached the midnight inn finally. My eyes searched for him around the bar. There he was, standing and talking to someone I couldn’t see because of the huge sofa blocking my gaze.I carried myself forward to make my view clearer. It was a lady,who was looking at the collection of his cigars.

 

My passion filled heart quickly became  heavy and I gasped for words to speak,

“What are you ….?”

My shrill voice managed to speak up. He looked behind him and narrowed his eyes. What took me by surprise was to see him smiling, as I fell on the ground. And then I knew no more.

 

 

***

15th of March 1928,

Erickesville.

A woman was found dead under mysterious circumstances at around 1:30 am in the lobby of Delta Inn. The Coroner’s reports revealed the presence of a black tar like substance in her lungs. The workers at the place where she worked as a hostess The Eagle Inn, a place of questionable repute; suggested she was last seen smoking a Cigar alone and was in  quite a jaunty mood.

This is the third death in the past fornight, to rock the quiet neighbourhood of Erickesville. Currently, Mr. Smith the hot headed bartender of Eagle Inn, has been taken into custody by the local Sheriff department.

Timeless, 3 of 3

Time

We didn’t talk as much as we used to, we didn’t love as much as we used to and suddenly I could comprehend your absence and the abject loneliness our love brought. I was still waiting as you asked but the wait was too long and time was wearing us down. Then one spring break we met and time became the silence between once furiously beating hearts, now oh so quite. I couldn’t hear you and you couldn’t read me, our words so twisted and I love yous so hesitant that we decided to break us off. ‘Not now’, ‘now is not the right time for us’, ‘let’s try again’, ‘sometime later’, wasn’t that what we said to each other ? Slowly later became days and months and I was never so aware of the time that passed, each second driving a sharp nail sealing the fate of our love. It didn’t wait for our love to heal, it just moved at it’s relentless pace, changing the hues of our love turning it into a dead and cold thing. I mourned, I lamented the loss of my sunshine, but I learnt to remember what we had with a profound fondness, but I never did let you go, I have to now though. You stayed deep in my heart, in my psyche but each year your hold on me lessened, you don’t own my heart like you once did, time has changed me, my youth has faded to the salt and pepper of middle age. It changed you too, it froze your beautiful smile but you acquired laugh lines on the face I so adored. Time changed your love for me into the friendly warmth of our past. You said you had to let me go a long while ago so that new love could come into your life and now I have to let you go, I have to stop waiting, because you have stopped looking forward to see me waiting for you and your love. Time changed us, changed our not now to not ever, it flowed over the hollow ache in my chest, it taught me to laugh without you, to cry with someone who wasn’t you, it changed the way I looked at you, felt for you, but I don’t regret waiting for you, because even if time took away my lover it gave me back my best friend.

WingsofDelight©

Timeless, 2 of 3

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And suddenly time was the wild thudding of my heart, reminding me of all those unsaid words between us, every day, every hour. ‘Not now’, ‘not today’, ‘I will tell her later.’ became the excuses for me to pacify my heart. All of them crumbled down, when I saw you kissing the good for nothing guys who didn’t appreciate your value and all of a sudden time was nothing but the white hot blur of jealousy, urging me to snatch you away and hide you in my arms. It was the time to be brave and tell you, so I did. I told you how much you meant to me, just how much I loved you and you smiled my smile and said that you always knew and were waiting for me to know that too. Unknowingly, I had made you wait but no more, time again ceased to exist, because you were finally mine in every way and time had no place between us. We spent an entire summer wrapped up in each other, doing what we always did, but now with more meaning and an ever growing need to love the other. We made new memories in our old places, making everything about each other. And then in a blink, school was over and we had to say our goodbyes, to go our own ways and follow our dreams. I almost decided to follow you and your dream but you said you never wanted to come between my dreams, you didn’t want for me to regret our love. After much convincing and prodding I grudgingly listened. Afterall distance didn’t matter, and we would be together soon and no one would be able to part us. “Wait for me,” you said. I did and I always would. But time had a way of making it’s presence known, ironically it became the same distance which was spent apart from each other, the silent tears that flowed freely in cold lonely nights, the ache where my heart resided, the empty text messages and the not quite long phone calls. It became a slowly growing divide, taking away the vitality of our beautiful love leaving behind shrivelled and dry husks. It was the poison that ruined our forever. It slowly turned loving words to sharp barbs and small disagreements to long ugly fights. It was the chockhold that snuffed out our romance.

…….

Timeless, 1 of 3

Love

Time; such a funny notion, an irony for me, for us. A bundle of tangled strings and hopes with our relationship intermingling in its flow. When we were young, we didn’t care about something as trivial as time and as we grew, it was meaningless because for us, timeless was what defined our friendship, not smeared, untouched by the hungry grasp of those moving hands of the clock. For as long as I could remember, yours was the first face I saw, just outside my window, riding that yellow bicycle up and down our lane, yelling at me to get up and come to ‘plway’ with you, and who was I to refuse my sunshine ? I remember rushing past everyone in the house, forgetting that I was still in my nightclothes. I didn’t care, because you were there, waiting, quite impatiently I might add and I never ever wanted to make you wait. Summers flew by like the wind that rushed past us when we rode our first bicycles down that favourite slope and our friendship bloomed like those bruises you bestowed upon my shins. We suffered from your Barbie and Ken phase to my awesome ninja make believe games, our friendship survived those silly tantrums and thrived when you bestowed my blushing cheek with a kiss from your puckered lips. From the first day of school and through our first girlfriends and boyfriends, you were there and so was I. We were always there for each other and it felt that time stood still when we were together and moved slowly and painfully only when we fought. I could never be angry with you for long, you were too important, too precious for me to even comprehend your absence. It was the last year of school and something did move between us, the strings of time pulling our hearts together, because each time you were near me, my heart beat faster than before, your smiles affected me and suddenly I understood how little time I had, to tell you, that something was very wrong or perhaps something was very right and for the first time I understood what exactly it was that made you so special, that I was falling deeply, that I was in love, with you.

…….

 

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Maybe my broken pieces are not made out of glass. Maybe they are maybe out of seeds so I can find someone who likes flowers, and is willing to grow them again.

-JM Wonderland

JM Wonderland has had an interest in writing since she was 13. She lives in central Florida with her family and says she has all the characteristics of an INFJ. “When I don’t have my head stuck in a book you can find me on social media.” She says.